Where do I start when I don't know where the beginning is?

If I don't know where the beginning is, then the beginning is where I start?

What is really important and who decides, how do we qualify or validify what that should be and when or how do we know if we're wrong?

How many questions are there possible in life do you think? I ask myself a lot of questions and find there's a huge range of potential answers and that means there's a process of elimination immediately engaged in order to provide the most appropriate solution - the 'probable' answer.

The most interesting thing about auditory processing disorder, I'm discovering, is the potential it offers and .... somehow at the same time......


I've just spent about 20 minutes selecting a dress and jacket to impress... I'm going to visit the local and main art gallery in Stafford (Shirehall - I think that's how it's spelt). As I've only been painting since February this year, I haven't an established reputation. In fact, when I think about it, whatever reputation I may have had is, in many respects, in tatters, although.... not yet associated with Art.

In the 8 months since making my first purchase of oil paints, easel and some 'oil quality' paper, I've managed to produce in excess of 45 oil paintings. I say 'in excess' because, I've already forgotten and keep forgetting to remember to keep count.

I have begun to 'catalogue', that's seems to be part of the job. So is self promotion, hence today's 'Dress to Impress' efforts. Of which, and as a result, I'm wearing a short, figure hugging, black and grey lacey lycra dress, with a fitted size 10 Black jacket and black patent leather FM shoes (black tights of course - this dress is too short for stockings by several inches!).

There's lots of benefits associated with Auditory Processing Disorder (APD - for short). There's disadvantages too, although... even those may not be as bad as I might think. One of the advantages is that it's associated clinically and psychologically with 'giftedness'. Fortunately, in many respects, few people will spot that .... for a variety of reasons. You may ask or simply wonder what those maybe, well... perhaps the most obvious example is the best - I have great difficulty telling lies. In fact, as a matter of habit, I don't.

What I find interesting is the general reaction and response to that admission, "Oh, Everyone tells lies!" "Everyone says".

I usually say, "Do they?!" with a quizzical and deeply interested expression on my face.

I ask myself (often) "Is what's obvious to me really NOT to everyone else? Or am I completely wrong in what I understand that to be?"

When someone says, "Oh Everyone lies!" - it tells me, "I tell lies, but that's the truth".

When I answer (in a calm questioning way), "Do they" - it means, "Okay, I'll pretend we're not talking about 'you' although I believe you, but ... why do you tell lies?"

Ever wondered how the other 90% of language is exchanged?

I have.

The principle being that we communicate but only 10% of that is with a language like, for example - English.

English is both a spoken and written language so I'm not excluding either aspect. For this purpose both are equally important and still within the 10% that we  ( ... well... okay.... 'I'... ) enfence the preposition within.

I'm not sure at what age I began critically assessing situations, analysing behaviour and associated phrases. From early childhood (being the middle child) I began to mentally record patterns, because I recognised their intrinsic and significant suggested outcome. That may well be why I never found an interest in chess, it certainly didn't have an immediate impact on my life the way other people's behaviour did and the (apparently inevitable) outcomes of  sibling disagreements.

Something else people (who I've told) appear to struggle with accepting, is that I estimate I was about 7 months old when I experienced my first memory. In fact, I recall it quite vividly. I remember that I was wearing a dress, pale lemon (I think) and I crawled (badly) to the corner of the playpen to climb up onto my feet. In retrospect, it wasn't the best choice of corner because my intention was to make my way to the playbeads, which were just out of reach from a sitting point. I had to climb onto my feet in order to reach and play with them, if I'd made my way to the nearest corner, I would have conserved more energy, however... I managed to traverse the distance without falling down.

I suspect the reason I remember this is because, sometime later, I sat down in frustration. My legs weren't strong enough to hold me up any more and I hadn't succeeded in removing the playbeads (from the side of the playpen) so that I could sit down and play with them more comfortably. Insufficient muscle tone resulted in a resigned fall - back to the floor of the playpen - and crying.

I remember my face next to the playbeads, looking at the rod they were threaded onto. Deliberating as I tested the movement of the beads, trying to find a way to remove them.

So, anyway, I was diagnosed with APD a couple of summers ago and there's very little information about it. I've researched and read most of what is available online to the point where 'specialists' are repeating what I've already learnt about. It's still fascinating in many respects, especially as a prop for my ego.

If you had the choice of being either a bit mad or a potential genius, which would you pick and why?

Life is so often about perception and self portrayal, promotion and credibility. If you find it hard to believe someone is a Genius, is that because you aren't clever enough to recognise it?

What if someone was brilliant, talented, hugely 'gifted', but found people said all the 'wrong' things about it, like,

a) "You CAN'T do that!" (test Your imagination by applying various intonations too) - when, evidently you could and you have? What are you supposed to say in response?

Perhaps: "I can't?", "But I have!", or "Why do You think/say that I can't?".

b) "You've got it wrong!" (test Your imagination by applying various intonations too) - yet suddenly they get vague when pointing out where and start talking about something Else that they don't like (maybe about You).

Predictable responses are: "Where?" usually followed with, "What?" - both of which are fully interchangeable in context and application.

c)  "Where's the evidence?"

This is the most difficult question to answer, of course because, what I may consider to be evidence may not be agreed. Critical thinking has so many benefits but it's not bestowed when giving wisdom.