"Hello, lovely to meet you, how do you do?"
"Hello, it's lovely to meet you too. Now, the first question I'd like to ask you, is ... what's the best advice you could give to another parent?"
"Good question, I'm glad you asked." <smiles all around>
"Well.... I think it's understanding the importance of strategies and the principles of maths. I'll explain what I mean. For example, I always remember my Grammar School Maths Tutor, Mr Williams, or 'Sir' as I called him mostly, saying, "Every problem has a solution!" and I knew that was right.
In it's purest sense, Maths describes the potential, variation is the application of logic. So in effect, the best advice is the advice you know will work, what's logical.
Another example: I asked another Mother how she'd managed to bring up four children with little dispute. She explained that (as her example) when they had cake, she'd get one of them to cut, but they picked last.
I tried it, that works, up to a point because observers begin to consider how many occasions they could influence the outcome, if they have the opportunity and consistent motivation (and are prepared to accept the inherent identification indicators).
I asked her how she dealt with any problems relating to social occasions, being late home and (especially as she had girls) the concerns associated, all these barriers to natural independence.
She told me that, when her daughters were going out anywhere they would tell her who they were going out with, where they would be and at what times, what time they were going to be home and whether any transport was involved.
I asked her how she decided about what time they should be home by, taking into consideration the different ages of the girls and being a fair parent.
She told me that her daughters decide what time, they make an initial proposal which if she thinks is okay, she'll agree and then ask, what time they think that she should start to worry - in case they were late.
I liked that idea a lot, it had immediate responsibility included and the sense of independence combined with consequences. My kids love being treated as individuals who could and should be supported in making decisions of their own. I have also learnt, as they have, to trust their judgement too and when to cheer.
So to summarise, being a Good Mum is about responding appropriately to the individual child. Being brave enough to stand aside when they take their first step towards you. Encourage effort with smiles, clap and say, "Well done!" Describe exactly what it was that made the thing they just achieved, so brilliant. Accept that they'll also go through periods of doubt, they may stop believing you.
Don't be the fool who agrees with a child who says that something they've done is brilliant when it looks a lot worse than the last painting they showed you. Be honest, tell them... at least ask them what they were thinking.
Just asking that question, "What were you thinking?" makes a child use their thought processes, increases memory recall and begin to assess implications.
Children learn first from example.
A Newborn will begin to mirror it's mothers expressions almost as soon as it's placed in her arms.
Infants are like sponges, they soak up information, absorbing as much as they can indiscriminately.
Watch the surprise when a baby spots his own hands for the first time.
Forgive yourself for making mistakes, learn from it and try not to feel guilty. Kids pick up on feelings and can mirror those too.
Also, remember always that your behaviour could become part of a story.
He who laughs last may laugh longest, so remember who'll be choosing where you live when you've lost the choice through age.
The best compliments I've had in my life have come from my children (and my Mum & Dad), they tell me or they've said about me:
"The most generous person I've ever met"
"There's a 'special bond' between us"
"I always thought you'd write.. a book"
"I knew Mum would be good, but I didn't expect her to be SO good"
"My Mum is very strict, but fair and great fun to be around"
"I love you"
"I value your opinion"
I still think about where I'll be living.
