Labyrinths...

Of the mind....

I was introduced to various video games after the births of my children.

Sega's Megadrive was the first console that our family had and of course I set about the business of completing all the games that I enjoyed. These included:

Sonic and Tales

Shinobi (which I thought I'd completed because I reached the labyrinth at the level I  completed but found no way out to allow the credits or find my way through to another level - if anyone accomplished more, I'd like to hear about how and what it involved because I  dislike not knowing)

Streets of Rage was great fun.

Never really got into Golden Axe - more for blokes I thought.

Then of course the Play Station arrived, in those days you could rent it from a Video shop. They were too expensive to buy at the time.

Eventually, Christmas 1998, a playstation came to live in our house. Although, I hadn't been able to resist testing it worked a few times, part of the package was the game Tomb Raider III.

I'd also bought the official memory card and it took me months of frustration (re-playing from the beginning) to figure out that my memory card had severe memory lapses.

My Son (K) was also a frequent PS player, he was playing some football game at the time and we were each convinced the other was responsible for the memory loss of each of our games (we only had the one memory card).

I loved that game, the whole concept, even the name Lara and Croft Manor. Just the anticipation of playing it ... anyway, it took me 7 months to complete from start to finish (although I had to replay from the beginning more times than I ever considered). I bought the first of the series, the original. Completed in 1 week, which surprised me. I then bought TRII and completed that in less than 2 days. I considered the different in game save methods and concluded it was probably due to that and TRIII had obviously considered their established fan base in their 'crystal' saves - by introduction.

I then waited for the next in the series. Considered the release dates of the 3 previous, it seemed likely to me to be released just in time for Christmas, which also meant I could give it to myself as a gift. It was while shopping in October in Southport (Woolworths) that I walked past the stand displaying the top 40 games. Something caught my eye - Had that mentioned Tomb Raider?.

I turned back and walked over

I stopped and stared at the shelf before me...

"Was I imagining this, or was that the latest game of Tomb Raider?"

I decided it must be a promotional thing, you know.... order now get it later type of thing.

I approached the display....

Picked up and turned over the box, "Where was the information saying you can't have this yet?" - couldn't find it.

I started to consider the possibility that this game was actually available now, and I could buy it.... and go home and play.

I wanted this game so much, it was with some trepidation and disbelief that I approached the counter to pay. I passed my empty box to the cashier and explained to him, "I don't suppose you've actually got this game in stock yet?"

"Oh Yes," he said,

"Really?" "Because, it's not due out for another month at least, I've been keeping up to date with the news of it's release"

He looked a bit surprised and began to reconsider before saying, "I'll check!"

Anyway, much to my surprise, I hurried out of their Southport Store to dash home with my treasure.

I even felt embarrassed a few times, as my 18th month old (approx) son spent all of his waking hours with me and would often watch with interest as I played Tomb Raider (asking questions and discussing options/tactics and historical details etc). He'd point and call out, "Mummm.... there's Lara!" while we were out shopping and of course, people would look at me. Other 18 month old kids might notice McDonalds, whereas mine was identifying minor details and associating them with me.

I did worry about how people would perceive me as a Mother. It often occurred to me that, while I was out shopping in the local village of Formby, people might think I'm a child minder as each one of my children is blonde, whereas (I'm told) I was born with dark hair. (Ash Brown - A Hairdresser in Bootle told me).

I'm old enough to stop putting dyes on my hair, I don't mind becoming grey.

It might seem odd but I often think of Samson when I think about my hair. It struck me as odd that his powers could be affected by the length of his, and given that historically professed fact, why the men at the time all preferred to have their hair in "Short back and sides" style. It seemed a contradiction to me.

I've always longed for someone to share these observations with. Someone who could explain things to me, from their perspective, in a way that I respect. I don't think that's unreasonable, but then, I'm a hopeful romantic and I prefer to be.

I look back over the stories that have interested me, they've ranged from songs in Nursery Rhymes to hidden codes of antiquity. In the strangest way, I can honestly say, that something like that happened to me.

My life could be a musical, a fairy story, a mystery. It all depends on how you see it. A Film, a Play, a Book, well... maybe.

Does it seem weird if I admit now that I created some little coded comments for my amusement as a child?

Strange, but nevertheless true.

Sometimes it would come back immediately, sometimes it might take a lot longer (weeks/months) that I noticed. I thought of it when someone explained how boomerangs work. So saw the results as being a lot like that.

I'd say something and add a gesture, or something and then watch and wait to see. If I asked a question, I'd find more or less the same answer coming back. Only.... occasionally it would be different and it's when I noticed that .... I became more interested.

I started to reply in specific but odd ways, usually asking for clarification (checking I wasn't imagining it). I didn't know who was changing the answers, I just knew that they'd respond and that it could be anyone who gives their reply.

I read a lot when I was a child. Even during mealtimes in fact, I couldn't settle down to a meal unless I had a book with me. Somehow I didn't enjoy the food without a book.

Books were my friends.

From fairytales, fact, history, fables, love stories and languages (all sorts, including licquorice)

If I've learnt anything, it's that the truth invariably comes out and it's worth it. Fear isn't a bad thing, responding inappropriately is.

Fear is a moment when we're feeling exhilirated, something new is about to happen, when there's nothing to hurt us, we call it excitement, thrilling.

So, why is there the expression:

"Fight or Flight"

Hm?

And oddly, what has that got to do with my favourite comic character and .... why does that bother me?