Most references to APD appear to be child orientated - aimed at inclusive teaching in order to overcome probable educational issues. Whilst APD is something I've always had, it's only quite recently been diagnosed. Details available are limited and appear generally negative in descriptive terms. This makes me wonder whether the difference is in itself the issue rather than the actuality, if that makes sense?
Though in some small ways the diagnosis has been a relief for me, because it's something I can now refer to.
However, any difference can be a cause or reason for targetting or justifying modified behaviour towards another individual.
APD has been associated with the autistic spectrum and other 'invisible disabilities' and I suspect that these links are creating the biggest hurdle anyone with APD faces.
Clinicians need patients and the means to fund further research, it's more likely they'll receive both if they present the conditions in the negative terms already in common use. Whilst it's entirely possible these do often apply within individual cases, I don't believe APD is accurately portrayed in general terms at all (but then, I wouldn't).
Reactions have varied, I've found, and have been generally disappointingly less than appreciative. People obviously make associations and then will deny having done so.
In real terms any diagnostic suggestion which includes some established difference in mental acuity immediately invokes implications of retardation or less-ablement by association and so generates fear to some extent within the public. When in fact, for me, this is entirely inaccurate.
So ....how it manifests, in day to day life....
People don't notice...
Unless I tell them.
I've learnt various strategies since childhood and have applied them in order to avoid obvious and previously unpleasant experiences. It's only within my family, for example, that I'm comfortable asking someone to repeat a comment several times (and still might be told, "It doesn't matter") , whereas outside of the home I'll keep to my rule of three.
The rule of three (that I use) applies simply because most people dislike repeating themselves, for various reasons (rarely to do with the reason for the request) though they will react in ways that suggest the reason for the request is in someway proof that the individual is bad, stupid and / or inattentive.
So I will use the most coined and readily accepted forms... i.e, "Sorry, would you repeat?"
Or prompt by paraphrasing, "So what you're saying is.... ?"
Sequence and specific word application has always been important to me, I may guess the missing word (if I need to), but prefer to clarify. Sometimes it's the poor use of terms that intrigues me, resulting in a query. Mumbling, and head movements too are often a problem. I lip-read, utilise sign and body language, record the sound of a sentence (by memory), consider context, weight, whole body attitude and intonation.
I may, on occasion, appear intuitive
Hence my interest in paralinguistics.
This is all normal to me, if anything, the diagnosis has highlighted (for me) how different everyone else is. What seems apparent to me is, evidently, not for others.
There are some general disadvantages,
And I rarely make assumptions - though I may use this - by suggestion - as a strategy.
Dishonesty is something I have great difficulty with.
I may (over?) react to specific word/term use - due to their implications.
My children, though they're by no means the only example, have complained, "You don't know what I'm thinking", which (to me) has been more revealing than they'd obviously intended.
I avoid using telephones - I hear all the background 'white' noise that everyone else ignores, filters out.
Noisy areas can prove difficult - in a restaurant say, I maybe trying to focus on what a companion is saying and completely miss a key word, even if they repeat it several times (to their obvious annoyance).
This is because I'm hearing the conversations of everyone around me in addition to the sounds of chairs moving, waiters transferring cutlery, road noise etc etc. It maybe that my companion is placing less emphasis on the key word, perhaps lacking confidence in it's use and so mumbling over that particular word or moving (making it difficult to lip read).
APD is specifically related to hearing, but actually highlights a difference in processing. I say this because, since the diagnosis I've began to realise the implications elsewhere.
For example, someone (a stranger) might say, "What a nice day"
I might not hear 'nice' but from their expressions: facial and demeanour, I may guess the comment is both positive and (probably) refers to the weather.
Most comments are generic - often said.
Unusual word combinations or term use will often attract my attention.
Also I may 'appear' totally disinterested or 'appear' to ignore someone, because I'm actually absorbed in something, (possibly a thought process) and completely unaware of the attention. If there's a great deal of noise, I may give up all attempts to hear someone because I know they'll get annoyed if I keep asking them to repeat themselves. In those situations I may even withdraw physically simply in order to avoid further problems before they occur. This is also why 'day dreaming' is associated with APD.
If I were to pretend, it may result in a reaction considered inappropriate - attempting to guess the content of a comment could result in mistaking seriousness for jest. I may laugh - when I'm expected to frown and tut, be sympathetic, politically correct in response or vice versa.
Often I complain about my memory. I notice when I'm forgetful. I may forget items when shopping, for example.
I generally only make a list when I've forgotten something I need (for a couple of successive weeks) - usually this is something I only purchase once every couple of months. So it's not unusual for me to wander around every aisle - looking for clues.
For example, it's easy to spot the lack of baked beans in the cupboard, but practically impossible to spot the absence of something you rarely use.
Last year I requested a psychological assessment, because of the inferences relating to APD and specifically the suggested inability to recognise the hidden implications of the condition.
The final report was comforting in it's conclusion - that I more than compensate for any noticeable shortcomings and that consequently there's no obvious hindrance in day to day life. Though that doesn't (by definition) explain the processes I naturally apply or undergo in order to achieve this and, sadly - no acknowledgement of intellectual merit.
Possibly the diagnosis has answered a personal question for me.
So many people have told me I'm 'different' but the answers (when asked, "In what way?") have varied and been generally vague, though references have been positive - "In a good way", "It's the way that you think", but inconclusive/elusive.
Adjustment, if any, has been in direct response to the diagnosis - understanding the condition and exploring the personal implications. I'm more than fascinated by it, not least because it underlines for me how different everyone else is.
For me it's a bit like realising why other people can't draw or spell.
